Psalm 13

long time, no talk. there is no justification why i have pushed back my blog postings. i'm not doing a very good job keeping this goal up :/ anyways, i had some GREAT time reading this morning and pondering on it with Jesus. a few things have gone on in my life lately where i'm learning VITAL lessons for me to grow as a Christian, and i'm proud that the Lord is teaching me through the temptations that the devil is putting before me those things. even though that is very generalized, i think we can all agree that we've been there. every single day we're there. some are just deeper than others. & those deeeeeeep ones have surfaced this week. this weekend i think the Lord is going to reveal a lot to me as well. i'm really excited to see where this weekend leads me.

school has gotten out of controL. goodness gracious. i have more homework now than i have EVER had. yes, the last semester of my senior year i am working my boot-tay off. & some of my professors i could kick in the teeth. they are just not good at teaching. whew. i hope anybody that is thinking about going into teaching can really do better than any of these cats.

Psalm 13

Wow. I believe I do this a lot. I just wait for God to answer my prayer in like 2 seconds. I have to wait on God's timing for the right time for what it is my heart is praying for. The biggest thing I can relate to right now is this. Because prayer is so off kilter for me. I'm not ingrained in prayer like I should be. I'm thinking the Lord is just going to give me strength to do it on my own when really I'm only believing in myself because I'm not communicating that with God AT ALL. For example, my future is a HUGE thing on my prayer list & it's like I'm waiting for the Lord to just shine down through the clouds and just tell me all there is I need to know. NO. I can't expect everything to be handed to me on a silver platter. The Lord WANTS me to communicate with him & he WANTS me to reach out to him. So, why aren't we doing it? Are we so obsessed with our own lives that we don't reach out to him? Actually, there could be a pa-jillion reasons why we aren't communicating with the Lord. & we need to stop thinking that we can do it alone. Because we can't. & no matter how many times I have to tell myself that & no matter how many times my friends have to tell me, I still have to be reminded of that.

Psalm 12

feeling good after a great workout. are you supposed to work out at night though? who knows. why does it matter anyways? at least i'm doing it. i quit my job & i think it's for the best. i need to make sure i do well in school. i'm still praying about my future & where i'm going after i graduate. i'd love to move off somewhere, but i'd like to stay in the south. maybe like tennessee, georgia, or maybe i'll go across the country to like colorado or something :] maybe this is my chance to veer off to montana & spend some time in a log cabin with Jesus for a while! gosh, that sounds so great. .....while the snow is falling down & drinking coffee..best thing EVER. okay, exaggeration. but, that would be cool. one day i'm actually going to go to montana & i probably won't even like it. hah.

so, i walked into one of my classes the other day & felt completely unprepared. it's a grad school class; therefore, grad students are mostly in there. i was the only undergrad until someone i knew walked in the door. i felt better after that. i had no idea what to expect from this class. i believe it's going to be a good experience. it's about leadership & i love learning about that. leadership is always evolving and changing. i think the greatest thing ever is that at the beginning of the class we were talking about servant style leadership. servant style leadership is that which is giving to others before yourself; being very self-giving. no arrogance & no pride are in servant style leadership. & the professor asked, "who is the first person to exemplify servant style leadership over 2000 years ago?" easy.

Jesus.

He gave himself for us. He gave His blood for our selfish, prideful hearts.

Psalm 12

Even in this Psalm it talks about how there are no more godly men. How people are obsessed with themselves and only think they matter in the world. Men who are boastful & say things just to get attention. Men who are gossipers, backstabbing those they love in the back. Even though there are believers some can be lead astray. Well, we all can. & we all do get led astray. Sometimes the devil can overtake us & make us believe that we are better than another or that we have it all together & pride will shine right through us; then, we just look foolish. Seek out those believers. Seek out support. Talk about what is going on & seek that godly advice. Better yet, you may need to take it & apply it to your life.

The verse I love in this Psalm is verse 6, "And the words of the Lord are flawless, like silver refined in a furnace of clay, purified seven times." (NIV) In a world full of deceit, being sincere & truthful can be very rare. The words of the Lord are pure. He will never lie to us. So when He is speaking to us we should listen carefully. Don't think of when you want to hear Him, but listen for Him at all times. Because as Proverbs 11:19 says, "The truly righteous man attains life, but he who pursues evil goes to his death." (NIV)

Psalm 11

so, checked one thing off my january goals: bought a journal & i'm writing in it after i write this lovely blog post. saaawweeetttt! it will probably consist of some of the same things i discussed earlier today in my previous post. some of my other goals--not lookin' so hot. like keeping living space clean. somehow i can manage to reek havoc on a room in like 2.5 seconds after coming home from somewhere. & don't ask me how it happens. it just does. i guess my room exemplifies the way my mind thinks. chaos! you can see multiple projects that are not completed because my mind is everywhere. oh well, i guess that makes me who i am. THANK YOU JESUS for not making me boring! :]

Psalm 11

In this Psalm, I realize that the Lord doesn't just test the righteous, but he also tests the evil. The difference is this: those who are evil do not learn & grow from the trials the Lord puts in their ways; however, the righteous grow throughout the process of the Lord putting them through these tribulations. Like I was saying in my last blog post..I have learned a lot from the trials the Lord has put me through. We can choose whether to be evil or righteous. Do you want to grow from your experiences or stay stuck in the same position? Are we just going to give up..throw the towel in & give up on something & join those who are evil?

I hate the feeling of being stuck. It's such a lonely place especially if you are involved in a community of believers. Change is happening all the time in a community of believers because we are all growing throughout our life struggles and situations. I love learning new things & I love learning from friends. I love the feeling of being able to sit & talk about a certain situation to discuss & debate what actually is the right thing to do. Maybe the "right thing to do" isn't the best way to say that. Hmmm...theeee...Christian way of going about things. Like earlier [again; yes i know you're probably getting tired of hearing that] I want to be that strong woman of God. I want to be a woman that fears God. I want that. I desire to be that woman.

journal, here i come :]

sweetly broken, wholly surrendered

wowzerrrrs. i'm so pumped about this blog post. lots of great things going through the brain. our message at church today was great. really spoke to my heart. worship was amazing; new song called abandon really sunk deep into multiple areas of my life. connection group time afterwards where i'm learning with a group of college students about biblical relationships. it was great. i'm really excited about it. & some people think i'm going because my ex-boyfriend is in there. not the case. glad we can both be ingrained in this type of great study tho. proud of us for taking that step [separately] for our own personal lives. however, the reason i am in this study is because when i was a non-believer [which was most of my life] i have always had the wrong concept of what a relationship is, what it's built upon, what's important, etc. i have learned things throughout my life that are good for relationships, but i have also had the wrong concept of how a relationship should actually be based upon the Bible. once becoming a believer, i knew you should seek one who has a relationship with the Lord, but i didn't change my way of thinking or the way i acted in my relationship. well, i take that back. i did some. maybe like 25%. but, 75% of me was not doing that of what a woman should do such as being submissive, obedient to authority, a fearful woman of God, etc. sometimes i may have been submissive, but sometimes not. sometimes i would be obedient to authority, but sometimes not... etc. & i know i am not perfect & i won't do it all the time. but, sometimes i just didn't want to because i wanted what I WANTED. i didn't want to listen to all that other mess. i can tell there are great things that are going to come out of this study because it makes you build your character into being that strong, respectful woman i've always wanted to be.

i had lunch with a great friend, disciple, sister today. she's truly great. completely uplifting & has really helped me see how valuable i am through Christ. & it's just like it hit me today [also because of the message today] how the things around me shouldn't keep me down. things that have happened up to this point have been telling me over & over & over & over &.. [okay, you get the point] that i am found beautiful & wonderful & appreciated through Christ. today it was just actually verbalized to me in the message at church that i am valuable because of Christ. & i've been saying it to you! on this blog! but, i've never felt it. i haven't truly grasped it. & i probably will still fall sometimes & have those negative feelings. but, then turning to God should only uplift me to the TRUTH.

throughout this past summer i went through a deep stage of depression. the Lord never left my side. he put strong, Christian people by my side when i needed them most when i needed that tangible person to save me from complete & utter lies. i cried the most i think i ever have in that period of time, but i think i've cried almost just as much because i'm so grateful for my SAVIOR for never leaving me from that place. he taught me so much in that place. & he is still building upon that, just as you see in the past 2 paragraphs where i'm spilling my heart out to you. i believe you can learn a lot from trials & tribulations in your life. i know i have learned a ton through the depression process & things that i am still discovering every day about my identity through Christ. i'm getting my personality back & i feel that; but, the devil is trying to completely take that away from me by bringing me down with negativity. & i'm not havin' that! can't. because i know the Lord is reaching out to me.

more to come today on Psalms.

peace geese :]

Psalm 10

i'm really having a hard time being patient with some people right now. Lord, give me the strength to show others You in & through me. help me fend off the negative thoughts i am having & turn them into thoughts that will only glorify You.

Psalm 10

A huge verse is verse 4, "In his pride the wicked does not seek him; in all his thoughts there is no room for God." We were just talking about pride recently [when I got side-tracked, oopsies] and it leads great into this! Okay, so, pride. This is saying that throughout his mind there is no room for God because he thinks of himself & how great he thinks he is on his own. He is NOTHING without God. But, he is fooling himself thinking he's hot stuff. We are nothing without the Lord. If it wasn't for Him we wouldn't be here. So, who should be taking up our minds..? Ourselves? No. When God is in us there is no room for pride because he shows us our true colors. How we are prideful, jealous, angry, lustful, inpatient, etc. God saves us from all of those things; all because of you, Father, I am saved.

How awesome is HE for creating everything around us? How awesome is HE for dying for us & saving us from death? How awesome is HE for loving us unconditionally..?

HE BLOWS ME AWAY AT HOW AWESOME HE IS!!!

Throughout this Psalm, it reminds us how God is with us wherever we go. He does not leave us even if we think he has because we're going through trials & tribulations. & I know He is waiting for me in Eternity. :]

Psalm 9

aldsnfmalewhisdlk. so, we still haven't started school because of the snow. i've had too much time to think & not get my thoughts out. i really should invest in a journal. if barnes & noble had just been open today..dern it. oh well. part of my problem is because i am still not taking enough time out to pray. i haven't HAD to get anything done the past few days. so, what am i freaking doing..?!? who knows. thinking. over-analyzing EVERYTHING. sometimes i don't like how the female mind is like spaghetti. i read this Psalm this morning, and it really got the wheels in my mind turning. & then the devil got in there & screwed with my mind & made me angry & upset. but, when it comes down to it, i'm not relying on the Lord enough and i'm letting the devil mess with me WAY TOO MUCH.

Psalm 9

In every Psalm, appreciation is given to the Lord. & throughout every Psalm there are characteristics that we can relate with where we can thank the Lord. Some Psalms may not be the exact situation we are going through, but somewhere throughout the Psalm we can relate to our lives. "I will praise you, O Lord, with all my heart," says verse 1 of Psalm 9, "I will tell of all your wonders." (NIV)

Another aspect of this Psalm that stood out to me was in verse 4 where it's talking about "judging righteously" and I begin to think and ponder on that. This is where I started my thinking earlier and then the devil took my thoughts in another direction & I let him turn my whole day around. NG. not good. Anyways, the Lord justifies us before others & throughout our life we may have to face much discrimination. Examples include being falsely accused of something, being misunderstood, not being truly appreciated by people, our service may not be granted a reward, etc.

When I face discrimination or injustice I get really down on myself & try to think of what is wrong with me & why did it not go the right way. I think, why did a good outcome NOT come out of this? But, truly in the end, the Lord is who is to be praised. It's completely up to the Lord's timing to when we are rewarded. & what do we learn from this? TRUST. If we do not trust in the Lord we only wallow in our own self-pity & worry about how others treat us.

However, we should not only follow the Lord for our own reward. The LORD is who is to be praised. Think of the times you call out to God. What is your main motive in calling out to Him? Are you doing it for your own gain, or do you want to glorify the Lord? I am completely convicted of this sometimes. It's not about ME. AT ALL. Pride is a destructing thing. A completely sinful thought and action. Instead of being self-centered we should be self-giving. Serving God with everything we do.

Well, maybe I got a tad side-tracked there. Needless to say Psalm 9 has hit home.

Psalm 8

Psalm 8

Verses 3-5 really stand out to me in this Psalm because it really makes me think how small we are to God but also how valuable we are to Him. Even though we are a very small part of this world we mean so much to our Creator. So, times when we feel worthless and unworthy of His love for us or the grace He freely gives to us..we need to think of how we have the stamp of our Creator. Genesis 1:27 tells us, "So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them." Why should we feel worthless and unworthy when we were created through him?!

I constantly have feelings of being unworthy of multiple things, but this makes me look deeper into those feelings. I feel unworthy because of people or things that make me feel that way. Since the Lord created me in His image we should completely feel worthy of the Lord's love.

But also, since we were created in His image we should treat others as the Lord would treat people. We should strive every day to treat others that way. This Psalm really gets the wheels turning in my head. Thoughts are going everywhere & I can't seem to write them all down to even make complete sentences.

On your own really look into this Psalm & see where in your life this Psalm comforts your heart.

Lord, I give thanks to you for your unconditional love for me. Your love never fails me. Every day I seek tangible fulfillment for that perfect love & I am never going to find it. & even though I fail you every day by trying to find a perfect love that never fails me on this world (& of course never finding it), you continuously take me back with open arms. every single time. Lord, help me be completely fulfilled with YOU.

Psalm 7

just found out today the "crud" that i have is a sinus infection...grossness. hopefully will be feeling better soon tho :)

Psalm 7

Reading this Psalm really convicts my heart. The feelings of revenge I've wanted on people, so petty but seemed so real at the time. I still have them at times. However, really trusting in the Lord has helped me with some of that insecure feeling. I believe that has a lot to do with controlling situations..we want to feel like we have control of the situation by striking our enemies down with hurtful words. Gosh, this takes me back to so many situations where it's like "word vomit"..like can I just take what I said back. Oops. No. Completely giving our trust to the Lord really helps this because you are giving your situation to the Lord by asking him to bring justice to those who hurt you & restoring you. Restore. Such a beautiful word with so much depth & meaning. Maybe it's just me, but thinking of the way that the Lord completely restores us. It's actually an amazing thought if you close your eyes & actually think of God restoring you. Try it.

Another hugeeee part of this Psalm is verse 9: "O righteous God, who searches minds and hearts, bring to an end the violence of the wicked and make the righteous secure." (NIV)

God--searching our hearts & minds. He searches every single heart & mind of every person, every single second of every single day. Wowzers. No thought can slip through the cracks my friend. No lustful thought, no jealousy, no hatred. It's all there. However, Him knowing all things makes me feel comforted that He will work through my weaknesses in the end to serve Him and His plan for me.

At the very end, David gives thanks to his Father for the wrongdoing of others because God is righteous. If we are faithful to the Lord and follow Him, we will be rewarded.

Psalm 6

OH MY WORD.

i know some of you are thinking, "this girl is totally not loyal at updating her blog." i feel the same way. :( however, i have made some of my January goals list [thank you to my beautifuL friend christen :) ] & it is one of my goals to complete one Psalm at least every other night, if not better than that. that was the longest sentence ever. really sorry about that. anyways my little tid-bit of information since my last post.

i attended a conference over the new year. it was AWESOME. a total life-changing experience. i am still processing things that happened there & i probably will for the next few weeks. i am learning a lot. i see it every day & i feel it every day. however, i have a hard time at trying to always do what is right & not living things out. but, i have to understand that mistakes are okay. that's always been something i have struggled with for multiple reasons, but i have to understand that God is okay with mistakes. i should not feel shameful of mistakes made.

Psalm 6

In the first 3 verses of this, David is calling out to the Lord to not harshly discipline him but graciously. In other words, David wants the Lord to humbly tell him his wrong doing and forgive him than give him what he really deserves. However, this is what the Lord does to us in the first place. The Lord graciously forgives when what we really deserve is to fall flat on our face & our face smeared in the mud. Yeah, to make us feel dirty and ashamed of the wrong doing we did. When reading this Psalm I think of how I treat people when things like this happen. If we should strive to be like the Lord every day of our lives, then I should treat someone who does wrong to me by graciously forgiving them, completely dropping the subject matter, & being humble towards them. That can be a hard challenge. Being humble towards them means that they will not be punished for what they did. I recently have gone through a situation like this where I wanted someone to feel the pain & suffering they put me through.. & this Psalm has really opened my eyes to this certain situation. It's like something just hit me straight in the face & was like, "What the flip are you doing..get it together!" But, the Lord forgives me for that too.

Then, rounding out those verses moving on to verse 4 David says, "Turn O Lord, and deliver me; save me because of your unfailing love." (NIV) The Lord's love for us is never-ending. UNFAILING. Gosh. It blows my mind. It completely blows my mind the love the Lord has for us. I feel His Love & comfort all around me. He has made me who I am today; for to My Creator, I am Thankful.

Really let that seep in tonight. Think of the Lord and His love for us. Pray for His mercy to be brought down upon you. Feel his arms wrap around you. Best feeling in the world to be loved by someone unconditionally & eternally.