'hale'

so many times i have begun a blog post & not posted it or simply deleted it. don't ask me why because i cannot give you an answer.

so many things have been on my mind & have happened since i last posted. to make a long story short, i have quit my job, moved back home, & have two jobs. this life isn't the one i planned for myself when i graduated from college, but isn't that what happens when you make a plan for yourself? God shows you just how out of control you are with your life! just when i thought i knew exactly what i wanted to do with my life, i had NO idea. i mean NO idea. i am really slowing down to realize what the Lord wants for my life. i am taking a breather to figure out what it really is that He wants from me. do i know how i am going to figure that out? no, but i think trying to jump into things myself isn't helping. i love my jobs & the people i work with. it's fun & they are so compassionate & willing to work with me around the fact that i have two jobs.

it's been a crazy transition from college to the working world, but i have realized that we all have to move on & i have to move on sooner than my younger friends, obviously! haha so, i will simply just visit them & remember the great memories i had. i'm meeting new people & really having a great time with life. i learn new things about myself & about life every day. i began to volunteer at a local church & joined a small group which is really great. the pastor of the church is actually my small group leader & we are diving into Luke as we go into the Christmas season. we have challenged ourselves to really dive into the Word more. we thought Luke would be a great place to start because it's the reason for the season :]

i want to challenge myself to read the Word more. i'm definitely not in the Word enough. i want to challenge myself to pray more. sometimes i rely too much on my ADD thoughts of when i remember certain things to stop & pray, however, i really want to stop & have a certain time of prayer during the day like right when i wake up or a certain time where i am simply praying about all of those things. i am being challenged right now to have a servants heart in EVERYTHING that i do. all the times i am frustrated because i don't have a job that gives me the schedule i necessarily want or whatever it is i WANT, i need to remember, i am doing the Lord's work, not what i WANT. however, i know the Lord will show me His passion for my life & it will be my passion as well. [[something i have learned from reading --> Holiness means wholeness which comes from the root word 'hale' meaning hearty, healthy, & fulfilled.]] Therefore, my life will be filled with holy work for the world which will leave me fulfilled whether i feel like it is my desire at the time or not. i choose NOT to make up my mind of what happiness will be for my life.

sometimes i get so frustrated at how i think WAY TOO MUCH. i feel like my mind is on 24/7 about EVERYTHING. & it can be so exhausting. i want my mind to just lay in the peace Jesus gives me. i have to continually remind myself that i need to back off & let God reign.

i have been struggling with the shame at the fact i don't have a 'great' job where i'm using my degree & doing what i necessarily "want" to do. but, i am SO humbled by the fact that the Lord delivers grace to me every day for that. i am so THANKFUL that he is delivering me from that & showing me so many great things about the jobs i do have. i love my jobs & i wouldn't take anything for them or the people that i am meeting. however, i'm having a hard time believing that people can't find jobs out there because maybe you don't have the job you "want" but you can find a job! i have people coming to me to try to give me a job now!

right now i work at chick-fil-a full time & bath & body works seasonally maybe becoming a part time job after the Christmas is over. if not, then possibly getting another job with another company. chick-fil-a really makes my day, i have the most hilarious experiences & conversations with people & get to play with babies, and clean tables & refill drinks, but that's besides the point! just kidding! however, i'm more than excited to move behind the counter next week. experiences i've had have gone from bad & embarassing like calling a lady a 'sir' [[oops!]] to hilarious like a man asking if i'm getting a rock for Christmas [[H NO.]] to flattering saying i am beautiful & so sweet to a little weird to where customers only will let me refill their drinks [[& even tell the others working the dining room they are waiting on me to come back around to get what they need]]. bath & body has been a lot of fun too! i get a 30% discount at VS too! :]] that makes me uber happy!

so, some ask why i am getting all of these jobs. well, i want to save money to go back to school. so why not work my butt off now & get some money saved so when i know what i want to do i don't have to work really hard to pay for it & really make good grades & focus on what i need to focus on?

well, that's all that's on my mind right now. i'm sure there is a lot more that i have left out. but, you can read that another day :] thanks lovely followers. i'm blessed that you read this. [[i was going to do a little game & put a crazy word in the middle of my post & have my followers text it to me to see who reads hah!]]

In His Love--

everything.

Let everything I do or say be done with overwhelming love.

Because everything I do or say is for the glory of God.

Lord, let this be my life motto. Always remind me of how significant you made me to be in this life for others. Don't let the shadow of the world blind me with Your AMAZING plan for me. Show me, lead me, & guide me. Let everything I do make me become more like You.

changes that heal.

it's been a good day.

i got a lot done, kinda.

it's really hard to have it together all the time & sometimes i just don't. hah..i freak out & get a little discombobulated & then i realize where the freak i am & feel like an idiot. but, that's okay. that's me. the Lord still has so much to teach me & i realize more&more everyday that i still have so much to learn about myself. i feel like this may be what i talk about many, many times on my blog. well, here ya go. reading it again! don't ya just love me & my repetitive rants?!

anyways, reading a book that a dear friend gave me. changes that heal by dr. henry cloud. i've only read the first chapter & i'm already knowing this book will be an all time favorite that i will live my life by. reading the second chapter before bed tonight. it's only like 6 bucks i believe. so, "if you don't want your life changed, then don't read it!" just a word of advice from my friend. [[miss you bee tee dub aaron.]]

also, found a new song by one of my faves britt nicole. i saw it mentioned on twitter & wanted to go back & listen, so i did! there is so much raw emotion in this song. the chorus is really great & really is a motivator because i am the one that always tries to figure everything out. [[make sure to check it out - have your way by britt nicole. i've seriously only listened to only 2 or 3 of her songs & i always want to sing them at the top of my lungs because they are so great&relevant.]] anyways, i just want to know why to EVERY situation & understand things. however, i completely understand that it's hard to live this out every day & i will fail. i will fail others that are in my life that expect that out of me too. but, i have to understand that i don't have to know every step. i just need to go along for the ride that the Lord has put me on & stop making everything so darn complicated.

onto other things..fall is one of my favorite seasons! that may be another repetitive rant. the food, the fair, the breeze, ah. it's just awesome. everything about it. this weekend i have off! wahoo! so, i am taking my belongings west for a couple days. i'm going to have some time with family&friends. my dad was so excited he sent me a "yippee" in a text! love my daddio. i get to see my sweet pup who will knock me down with a warm welcome [[one of my favorite things]]. who am i kidding..i have a lot of favorite things. obviously.

if you get anything out of this blog, i would want it to be that God takes broken things & makes them beautiful. because all the mess ups that i may share or the broken places i have been, the Lord takes that & makes it all for a purpose: to lead us to be more like Him & to do His Will.

make the most.

i had the most amazing morning with one of my best friends. one of the reasons the Lord brought me to this area is definitely to meet amanda. she's been so encouraging and i am so thankful for her friendship even though grown-up life makes it really difficult for us to see each other; we still make the most of it & try to really take every opportunity we can to see&talk to one another.

i have been really struggling with a few things work related lately [[not feeling up to par with others around me, not feeling like i fit in the fashion world, being WAYYY TOOO HARDDD on myself, etc]] but, honestly, i could kill the job if i just put my mind to it. i don't give myself enough credit for how smart i am & i'm definitely not trying hard enough because i let every pitfall that i may have discourage me. i am a perfectionist because i have a type a personality & i am competitive because i only want to succeed at the task that is set before me. however, the Lord says to make the most of any situation we are put in, & that is what i have to do right now. this could be preparing me for what is to come later on in life. even if i am with Buckle for the rest of my career or if the Lord leads me in other directions, the Lord will specifically lead me there, somehow, someway. i am trying WAY TOO HARD to do this alone and try to plan my life & figure out what He has written in the book for my life. & the Lord is really breaking me down & saying "Let me lead you." & i'm going to do that. i am going to let go & put everything into what i am doing right now & live life to the fullest with what i have in front of me.

i am traveling with work this week & i am going to make the most of this trip & really try to focus on how the Lord wants to build me in ways for my future, wherever that may lead me. because it's not about me anyways. it's all for Him.

in His Love--

stop overthinking, start living.

where do i begin? the past month has been a whirlwind it feels like. grown up life is tough to get used to. but, sometimes i think i need to stop and smell the roses. i am so caught up in worrying about SO MANY things that i have NO control over......STILL. when am i going to lay it down and completely surrender that to the Lord? i'm definitely realizing that this is going to be a hugeeee process for me. & if anyone knows me, i highly dislike processes. but, when processes are over, i really enjoy what i learned from it. i'm driving myself crazy trying to sit here and figure out what is going to happen next that i'm not just living. why be worried about the next think in life..our life is but a vapor & the Lord has it all figured out. there is NO reason why i should need to have it all figured out!

i really need to stop overthinking & start living. there are so many things i want to enjoy about this process that the Lord has put me in. but, i always am ready for the next step & i never really just take in the moment. i always think of how i could make this better or the negative about it rather than the positive.

so, whatever you are thankful for right now, yes, you who is reading this, take it in. in any situation, i want to figure out what i love about that exact moment & what i am thankful for right then. & right now, i am thankful for the sound of crickets outside.

"Since we are receiving a kingdom that cannot be shaken, let us be thankful, and so worship God acceptably with reverence and awe, for our 'God is a consuming fire.'" Hebrews 12:28-29

in His Love--

missing.

ever since i have moved into my new apartment, i have been missing a few things.

i mean of course i have missed my dog; she's so hilarious & can bring a smile to my face anytime of the day. even though she can be such a nuisance [because she is a puppy & all puppies are], she is just great. she is sort of absent minded like me, but she is so genuine. today i came home because i needed to get a few things & wanted to spend time with family. & the reaction i get every time i get to see her again is so fun.

i have missed the genuine community from LR. it is hard when you move on your own & you don't live within a couple steps of your community of friends. since my schedule changes every week, i can't always go to certain things at summit that are every week because sometimes i am at work. & with all my other friends schedules & work schedules we can't always see each other. difficult!

i have missed working out. that is my own fault for not getting into a schedule so far. i need to figure out a time i can get up every morning, work out, eat, & then get ready so i feel healthy & fit again. so, workinggg on that. & i need to budget my moo-lah. gotta start doing that. that's not really something i have missed because i haven't really had to do that much...yes, i may be a bit spoiled. i admit.

growing up & moving out on your own is definitely rewarding, but it has made me think A LOT about A LOT of things. i have been really anxious about things lately. on my way home today i have been reminded so much of how i am totally not in control & need to lean on the Lord so much more than i do. also, i need to have more confidence in myself that i can do what the Lord has me doing right now. i am so hard on myself at work because i feel like i am not measuring up. i do this so often because i can be such a perfectionist. i hate making mistakes because i feel like it makes me look like i have no idea what i am doing & that i shouldn't be where i am. but, i just need to get over that. i need to have faith in myself & faith in the Lord that He has put me here for a reason.

so many people say you learn the most while you're in college because you are growing up for the first time outside of your parents reach. i also believe that i am learning so much now though too! we never stop learning because if there is ever a time where you feel like you know everything, well you are just being arrogant & fooling yourself. there is always so much to learn about yourself, about the Lord, and about things in life. i was telling a few friends last night that i feel like i will always be looked at as the "dumb blonde" because i can be really absent minded at times. but, i need to have faith in myself because i think i am pretty smart, however, i know that i need to keep learning! bring on the books to learn more! i need more time in the day to get everything done i need to!!

this post may seem mumble jumbled, but that is how it feels in my mind. however, even though i have had so many things on my mind i have decided to stay positive even if i haven't always been at times. someone i follow on twitter said recently, "seems like there are a couple of options:: 1. be positive or 2. be overwhelmed. i pick 1." today i am choosing 1. i will choose to not overwhelm myself & have faith.

in His Love--

bright future.

days like today remind me of the bright future the Lord has planned for me. i went out on the lake with family & it was so relaxing.

a great quote for today: "When I understand that everything happening to me is to make me more Christlike, it solves a great deal of anxiety." - AW Tozer

to realize everything happening in my life is to make me more Christlike...

last night i got together with some dear friends. we were talking some about how each person's life does not have to include being a missionary overseas. life is a mission field whether you are a waitress, millionaire working in new york city, teacher, a personal trainer, etc. i am not a failure because i didn't serve full time with a campus ministry or become a missionary after graduation! i am God's Child & am being used in His own unique way to live out the plan He has for me!! AHHH! how rewarding is that!

it solves a great deal of anxiety...

i have learned so much in the past 6 months than i have in a LONG time. being put into the real world & having no idea what i am doing with my life, but yet kneeling before the Lord praying & knowing He has it all figured out & will take care of me has been a humbling experience. i feel like i am a changed person just from the time i graduated. so many things have changed my outlook on life & people & reactions & just.. everything. it is such a beautiful & rewarding experience that i have gone through in the past 2 months. & i am forever grateful to the Lord.

everyday i realize my life has only just begun.

in His Love--

am i giving You all i have?

i had a CD from years ago, i mean years. i didn't think i was old until i found out i had this CD from like middle school church camp. but, it's really great. & it has good content for now because it's based off of TRUTH. i love it. anyways, there is a song on there called "long way home" & it some lines of the lyrics really stood out to me & i have been pondering on them for the past couple days & probably will continue to. it's on a little sticky on my computer so every time i pull up my computer i look at this & really think on how i've reacted that day to this paragraph.

"what do i settle for my best, when you have so much more? i haven't seen, i haven't heard, what You have in store. but like the deer who longs for water, my soul longs after You, still there's so much i could do.. am i giving You all i have?"

so, the question lingers. are you giving Him all you have? or are you giving Him less because you think you have everything under control better than your Creator? this could go for many things in your life. think on the day. week. month. year. have you given Him all you have?

in His Love--

opportunity.

many, many things happenin' around here at the ol' apartment.

- my puppy moved to my parents house yesterday. i'm really sad about it. so, i'm not really going to elaborate much. & yes [if you're asking], i cried.

- moving right along, & speaking of moving, my roommate & i are moving into our new apartment in 9 days! :] i practically feel like i haven't actually moved to durham yet because i haven't really moved into the apartment that has my name on the lease. i'm just living in someone elses room really. that will be a happy day when we move! & then all the decorating ideas that i have in my head can begin to become a reality in my new space! && yes [if you're asking again], it will be organized! :] if any of you know me, you know this could be a stretch, but really. i'm going to have a cute space that will hopefully stay neat! :]

- last night i went to work at six & didn't get home til midnight! why you ask? well, the store i work at was being remodeled. therefore, they moved to a temporary space for about two months & we had to move our store back last night. i met a lot of new people & it went really great!

- i had today off! :] i slept in & it felt great. did some vacuuming & cleaned up my room a tad. going to do a little more organizing for the move tonight as well.

- friends are coming to visit me this weekend & i'm so excited! my dear friend molly is coming to see me & we are going to get frozen yogurt at this new cute place right up the street! another friend is going to be meeting me for lunch on friday [i have friday off as well!].

the major thing i am having a hard time with right now seems to be feeling worthy of having the job i have. i feel like i have no idea what i'm doing half the time & feel like i'm so behind. i received A LOT of information over the past week & it was a lot to take in, but i didn't want to suck at it. i can sometimes be a perfectionist & feel like i have to be great at everything & not let anyone down; however, i have to learn that i'm constantly going to fail, but i have to get right back up & try again. & it was very encouraging to hear from co-workers that i am very open-minded, eager to receive feedback, & always am open to trying things constantly. i will come around & start to feel more confident as the days roll by.

a quote that has me really spinning the wheels today:

"Out of clutter, find simplicity. From discord, find harmony. In the middle of difficulty, lies opportunity."

Happy Monday, everyone!

in His Love--

big sister.

wow. today was such a blessing! it was my day off so here is what i did:

since i am attending summit church while i am in the rdu area, i participated in serve rdu. it is an annual week-long event summit church does around the communities of the rdu area. so, so, great. i chose to participate in a project at a place called christian life home where girls between the ages of 12-23 are in the midst of unplanned pregnancies. they are given a place to live, food to eat, counseling, and much, much, more. it really is great. a house couple house 5-6 girls at a time. such sweet people. once we were there we began with a house tour. HUGE house! the house used to be owned by a professional football player. christian life home bought the house only having to pay the remaining amount on the home, which wasn't much. after the tour the team of volunteers divided up into groups to do different projects such as power washing, weeding, laying out mulch, & staining the deck. i chose to stain the deck. i have never stained before, but did i learn that it is a tedious task! but, i had so much fun doing it for 4 hours with other girls who were great. i went inside to get some water at one point & really wanted to meet the girls who were housed in the home, so i made a point to introduce myself & get their names as well. it was a pretty eventful day because one was having contractions 10 minutes apart! the girls attend church at the summit every week & do many other activities between their doctors appointments & such.

this is definitely not the last time i will visit the home. i am going to sign up to become a big sister to these girls. they need someone to just come & take them out of the house & really just talk about life & to have a mentor. i really want these girls to know they do not have to be defined by a decision they made in their past & the Lord FORGIVES them for this & show them the love of Christ through me. i have a heart for girls with pasts because i had one of my own that i don't like to mention, but i found the Lord through that & i am BLESSED because of that! PTL! excited to continue to serve & make relationships with these girls!

i also met up with my freshman roommate from college who just got engaged! :] so happy for her! she's so great & such an inspiration! i love her to death & wayy excited about her wedding next may! my roommate from summer project also got engaged in the past week [her [now] fiance was on summer project with me as well]. i'm so happy for that couple! they are just great! :] ready to purchase some dresses to wear to all of these exciting weddings for my sweet friends!

bad news, macy is going to be living with my parents for a while :( so sad. i am going to miss her a lot, but i know she will love it there because she will be able to run & do whatever she wants really. my parents spoil her :] haha so, if you don't hear a lot about macy for a while it's because she is living with them, sad day.

the Lord has been so great teaching me multiple things today. & i am thankful for that!

theme song right now: "Stronger" by Mandisa

click here to play

& sing it girL. :]

pride.

let go of your pride & do something you may not want to do. & get over it.

pride kills. Proverbs 16:18 says, "PRide goes before destruction, a haughty spirit before a fall."

that.

is.

all.

big girL.

yay! first day of work = successfuL!

it was a great day. i learned so much & it's only the beginning. the program i am in is really like being in school. i already have homework! :] i am a manager in training; therefore, i am learning everything it takes to be an employee, run a store, & be a leader throughout all of this. a girl who is one year ahead of me has received the store she will be running & it made me even more excited about the results of this program that i am going through! i have really been praying about where the Lord is going to place me in a year from now just to prepare my heart for the city that i will be moving to when the day comes. but, that's all for now ladies&gents.

i'm becoming such a big girl now..it's so crazy.

"'For I know the plans I have for you,' declares the Lord, 'plans to prosper you & not to harm you, plans to give you hope & a future. Then you will call on me & come & pray to me, & I will listen to you. You will seek me & find me when you seek me with all your heart.'" Jeremiah 29:11-13

self-centered.

update on life: so, my job starts tomorrow! i am super stoked but also super nervous! ahhh! my life is about to be change a lot once again. we all need to get used to this whole change thing because it happens very often. we all need to keep that as a note to self. so if you don't deal well with change, get over it fast! anyways, all the people at work are so nice & laid back..so ready to start working there. i have a pretty loaded week this week. work starts tomorrow & on my day off i am serving with my church around durham. [woah, i literally almost wrote hickory...] i am really excited for the opportunity to serve. serving in a church after college is one of the things i looked forward to most when i graduated from college. i am so glad that i already have this opportunity to give to others. i will be going to a house where women are placed for unplanned pregnancies where they receive counseling & other needs for their changing life ahead of them. so excited about that! soon to come: posts of my new apartment [at the end of july or beginning of august] & some posts about food because i'm going to start cooking & baking some delicious things now that i have an income :]. & of course pictures will be involved :]

church this morning was based upon being self-centered in relationships. it doesn't necessarily have to deal with a relationship or a marriage but it also can be related to our friendships as well. i learned SO MUCH from this sermon. even though pastor JD made many references to husbands&wives, i still learned a lot. it makes you realize what you need in a christian marriage & just how broken most relationships are starting off because we have to love people NOT on our terms. it also makes you realize how many things you have been doing wrong all along & that was/has been really hard to deal with for me. however, we need to apply the gospel to our relationships. we are so undeserving&unworthy of ANY love from anyone. Jesus, SO WORTHY & SO DESERVING of love gave for OUR UNWORTHY SIN. a very good friend of mine told me recently something he learned while serving in China that we need to be in a place of insignificance so that we can see where we actually stand & how good we really ARE NOT. if we live knowing this & knowing we should serve our friend/significant other/spouse in the way Jesus did, we will find so much more joy out of the whole experience. ask the Lord to come through you & help you become less about yourself & more about Him & His Will for your life [which is only a vapor].

click here to go to the web page where you can download the sermon. [i know i have some married followers, one newly married ;)] it's really great & i can go back & look at some of my notes from this sermon when the time is right.

"Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit [useless glory for yourself]. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others." Philippians 2:3-4

in His Love--

ruth.

i have internet! saaweeettt!

as promised, i am going to unfold a few things i learned throughout my story of ruth. however, i am definitely not done studying this beautiful story. so, this may seem really thrown together, but i want this blog to portray what is on my heart & how i would talk to you about this story.

ruth was a woman who gave up everything she had [her family was very wealthy in the town of moab] to follow God [who she was still learning so much about from her mother-in-law, naomi] to the town of bethlehem. this was life-changing event for her. she gave up all of her possessions to serve the Lord hoping the Lord would provide for her in a place she had never been. she was definitely scared at times. but, she had FAITH in her God that He would watch over her & naomi & they would be safe. while in bethlehem, ruth continually strives to be obedient to her Father. she prayed for Him to watch over her & naomi. others saw the Lord in her & began to accept her [since she was a moabitess] because the Lord's love was overflowing from ruth. she had such a strong heart for the Lord, always curious. she trusted in the Lord & not what the odds looked like for her. she lived in a cave & was thankful! gosh, i need to be more thankful for some things in my life. again, she trusted in the Lord & not the earthly odds! in Romans 12 it says in verse 2: "Don't copy the behavior & customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Then you will know what the Lord wants you to do, & you will know how good & pleasing & perfect His Will really is." i want to scream this to myself sometimes. like, right now too. LET GOD TRANSFORM YOU, LADIES.

& i end with a prayer for tonight..

CHANGE THE WAY I THINK, LORD. i want to live Your Will for my life. bring the Holy Spirit within me, let Your presence give me positive&negative discernment to do what You are calling me to. i lay before You, Lord, because i want to be transformed. i want the surrendering heart of ruth, Lord. humble me in this world & keep me away from satan's stronghold for my life. i am thankful for You & this life you have given me to carry out Your Will.

in His Love--

influence.

i love thunderstorms. i know i have already discussed this before, but it’s the fourth of july, & i thought that I would just say it again :]. anyways, this past weekend i went to a place i can call home, Charleston. i lived there last summer in a hotel & it was a great experience. sadly, i was overwhelmed with a few things during my trip. & the Lord taught me a lot during my trip & i want to share those with you all.

things happen in life & we don’t know why. & we want to know why, because we are human. i learned something from pastor mark [we’re on a first name basis ;], inside joke shout-out] in one of his sermons on Ruth [bee tee dub, i finished my story on Ruth & it was so great: more to come on ruth later this week] & it was this: "Something happens, why? Silence. The secret things belong to the Lord. We know everything we NEED to know. We by no means know everything we WANT to know. We must live by faith & we must trust God.” & i need to constantly be reminded of this. others could probably describe me as someone who asks “why?” as much as a 4 year old. i always want to know more because i want to feel like i’m in control. stop. hold the bus. don’t need to be in control. i have found that i am getting wayyy better at this than usual. in the past two months i have been trying to work on my controlling sense because before meeting Jesus, that was all i had to live on. my control on situations.

God gave a powerful gift to women. influence. but, how we portray that is where we can get ourselves in trouble. you can either be a positive influence or negatively manipulate. we are shown that the Lord gave us this by our earliest ancestors, Adam & Eve. Eve did not influence Adam, she manipulated him to think the serpent was telling them something better than their Creator. also, scripture lays a foundation that “highly respected women” can be cast down by satan. in Acts 13, we can see how women of “high esteem” are cast astray by persecuting Paul. i want to be a subject of influence, not manipulation. i want to teach others & encourage other women to our Father. i desire to be more like Him every day. we should all want to not control & manipulate situations to be what we want them to be. we must trust in the Lord that He is doing everything we need for our good. so we must drop our control & manipulation to be a power of influence to teach & nurture others. because with the Lord flowing out of us, others will see the Lord in us, & immediately be drawn to the HOPE & FAITH we live off of.

by the time i got home, i was exhausted. mentally, emotionally, & spiritually exhausted. today i really took time to rejuvenate myself. even though i did not get to see fireworks [because it's also still raining], i spent time really digging into the Word & that is way more satisfying than fireworks! & as i was digging through scripture & watching sermons, & doing my fruit of the Spirit study, i really tried to cling to Galatians 6:9-10, “Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up. Therefore, as we have opportunity, let us do good to all people, especially to those who belong to the family of believers.” even though i was completely run down by a few things & completely overwhelmed with a million & one things, it was really great to just read this over & over. DO NOT GIVE UP. Because as Isaiah 40:31 says, “They that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run & not be weary; and they shall walk, & not be faint.” we must wait for the proper time from the Lord. if things are not going the way we WANT them, we must move on. life is not easy. & it won’t ever be. & we have to take all the trials & trust in the Lord. we have everything we NEED to bear whatever it is that comes our way.

“Slow me down, Lord, save this life & keep my eyes on You. Satan can have this rat race world—Thank God, I’m just passin’ through.”

in His Love--

holy long time.

holy long time since i have posted. wowzers.

extremelyyy sorry for that. there is no excuse.

i have had a lot on my mind. a lot to think about. & a lot to pray about.

i am still reading lineage of grace. i am almost finished with Ruth's story. it's so beautiful. i will definitely have a post coming up in the coming days about that. i have some exciting things happening. i am going to go visit a city that really holds part of my heart. i fell in love with charleston a little over a year ago. i have such a heart for the people that live there & it's just a beautiful place where i met so many great friends.

last year around this time i was going through a deep stage of depression. it was one of the worst things ever & i didn't understand why God placed that upon my life especially while i was on summer project. i didn't get the full experience because i was so closed off. however, God's timing is the right timing. & He taught me so much through that. i am still learning every day from that experience. but, what i want to work on now is to regain those friendships & keep up with those friends i made on summer project & really reach out to them. i really want to get better about keeping up with people. & if you are someone who feels like i have not spent time investing into a relationship with you & feel like you are not significant in my life, YOU ARE. i am trying to get better at keeping up to date with people. it's going to be a process & i am going to work on it piece by piece. so, bear with me :]

in His Love--

fear.

another sunday in a new city calls for another adventure to another church. this time i was alone & nervous when i walked in the [what seemed] GIGANTIC church. holy mess. i was getting lost in the sea of chairs of where to sit. i forgot my glasses, [dork] so i preceded to head to the front of the [again] GIGANTIC room [:)]. sitting alone, i read one of my favorite Psalms, Psalm 27, to really get in tune for the reason i was there. it was great. really a place where i would like to get plugged in. there's so many great things happening at this church that i am deeply thrilled about. it's a church that truly pushes the Gospel. & that is what i got ladies & gents.

the message was incredible. i was completely convicted&forgiven on the spot. the series is called homewreckers & it is talking about the things that can really put a barrier between relationships. however, it totally goes for single people too, because boyyy did i get a lesson. guess what it was on? how ironic: FEAR. women run loose with their imaginations. every single woman does it. so, if you are a woman & you say you don't, you do. in some way, you do. we can be upset about something we make up in our minds. & that is SO TRUE. we "fear" things because we are not connected with the perfect love of God. 1 John 4:18 says, "There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear. For fear has to do with punishment, and whoever fears has not been perfected in love." fearing/worrying is a sin because we are separating ourselves from God out of fear because we are not trusting Him with our "stuff." we fear that we aren't good enough, pretty enough, we won't get a job, we won't be smart enough, etc. once we stop fearing the WRONG things & start fearing the RIGHT thing, that is when all the WRONG things we fear about will go away. we should fear the Lord because he holds all of those things in our future that we are so worried about & trying to control out the window. we are scared so we try to control our lives to try to pass by that fear. & it ends up happening over&over because we are trying to control what only GOD CAN CONTROL. fear not is listed in the Bible 366 times. 366 TIMES. & still we bask in fear of what may happen. the Lord will be there with us when any trial comes our way. so, stop making things trials out of fear when they are actually blessings.

find yourself fearing the Lord. it is funny that i was reading Psalm 27 before the service because i come back to this same Psalm & read it differently than before hearing this sermon. the very first verse of Psalm 27: "The Lord is my light & my salvation; whom shall I fear? The Lord is the stronghold of my life; whom shall I be afraid?"

because what can man do to you?

but, if i died without Jesus, i am nothing.

in His Love--

JOB!

hello sweet readers!

GREAT NEWS! :] i have a job! thank you for all of your prayers!

it has definitely been a patiently awaiting process to find out that i have a job. it's the one i definitely wanted because it just has so much potential for my future. i am so excited! & i have planned some great things in between with friends i can catch up with. so exciting!

my patience has been tested in so many ways lately. sometimes i get to a breaking point where i just lose my built up frustration for a couple minutes. but, it is definitely a process! & that is another thing the Lord is teaching me is that things do not change overnight. processes take time & i have to be patient. & wait for that which the Lord wants for me.

a verse that is really sticking out to me right now is Exodus 14:14, "The Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still." & it is just really bringing me fulfillment right now because the Lord will fight for me! He will give me what i need in life. trials, temptations, & obstacles are meant to be there for a reason for me to grow. & i am seeking my JOY in the LORD because he LOVES ME. so, i am being still in Him. because everything will work out for my good in the end. Praise Him.

remember readers. the Lord will fight for you. be still before Him, confess your sins & concerns, & ask Him to fill you with the Spirit, every single day. :]

in His Love--

unveiled&unashamed.

yesterday afternoon i stopped by the library [i know, some of you are saying GEEEKKKK] & picked up "a lineage of grace" by francine rivers. I LOVE THIS BOOK. i just can't put this book down. there are so many great things about this book. i can relate to the two stories i have read so far which are titled "unveiled" & another, "unashamed." it takes stories of 5 women God chooses "to change eternity."

unveiled is about a woman in the Bible by the name tamar. she is a woman who goes through abuse & is used to then try to find justice on her own. unashamed is about a woman by the name of rahab "with a past whom God gave a future." these two stories can relate to the story of my life before truly finding the Lord & seeking Him for who He is. while learning history of the genealogy of Christ, i have also been reminded throughout the two stories to be still, & wait upon the Lord. & we all know how hard it is to be patient. but, i have been consumed by the love of the Lord & he has given me hope. i have also [by being able to relate some of my own life to these women's stories] learned that the Lord can use trials in our life & situations in our life to really use us. i'm not disregarded because i didn't grow up in church. i won't go by the wayside because my past isn't a clean slate. the Lord renews me. & i am loved for the restoration the Lord has given me by those who follow the Lord because they do not see me as that person. i had a friend tell me last year, "this old amy everyone keeps talking about, i don't see that. i don't even put that into perspective with you when i'm talking to you or talking about you. i see the new amy that the Lord has renewed&restored."

something that i love about this book is that i can relate it to things i am learning right now in my life too! in one of my previous posts, i attended a church which had a segment on it's "man up" series. quick recap, it's talking to the men on how christian men should be living their lives, to that of the image of Christ. but, in today's society, we seem to have the image of Christ a little backwards. so, the series is teaching men the correct image of Christ & how to apply it to their lives. this past week we talked about how men will fight for something bigger than themselves. with the love of God in them, men will stand up for what they need to do. for example, in the book i'm reading, salmon "is still & waits for His Lord" even though it may be hard for him. & his mission when the walls of jericho come down: to protect the harlot, rahab. he is fighting for her because the Lord knew she needed to be saved from death because His name was written on her heart. salmon fought for his Lord first & foremost by fighting for rahab's safety because he loved her as the Lord loved her. looking past her sin-filled past right when he saw her..it's just great. but anyways, going back to what i was saying [hah, whew..that's just a part of me; i go on&on to get somewhere! :)] salmon is a great representation of what i learned on sunday. great stuff! :]

i can't wait to dive into the next 3 stories about ruth, bathsheba, & mary.

if you love to read, pick this up. it's a honker, like 550 pages in all, but it's completely worth every page. & more.

"You are high & lifted up, & ALL THE WORLD WILL PRAISE YOUR GREAT NAME!!"

treasured.

came home for a couple days, praying the Lord will bless me with this job i just interviewed for the second time yesterday. it's really the job i want because i feel like it has the most opportunity for me for the future. also, it's a great way to make relationships with people. just all around a great place&fit for me. anyways, while macy is getting her "puppy bath" at petsmart [i feel like i am ALWAYS there, & i spend so much money on her; i guess i know what it's like to spoil], i browsed around barnes&noble to get some ideas for some upcoming books to read [so excited to go to the library this afternoon & get a book by francine rivers [known for "Redeeming Love"]. after browsing i tried to find a cozy place to make my nest for a few hours to find nowhere to sit. so, i came right up the road to starbucks where i found a corner [not quite cozy] to "set up shop."

i have finished week 1 of my personal homework for the week in my fruit of the Spirit study only to be placed on my knees to the Lord in thankfulness&joy of the grace He has given me. He has changed me into a new creation, but i still have my own individuality. i am still ME. i will always be ME. & i have grown to love ME. i love to make people laugh, have fun, & just be carefree & live life. however i do know that sometimes i get caught up & do stupid things. however, he convicts me of that & offers me restoration from my sin. & has given me a favor without expecting anything in return. How Beautiful.

i learn new things every day & that is what is so great about being a believer. we learn new things every day by soaking ourselves in the Word. some believers may have a better way of saying it [better vocabulary, verbiage, etc], but the Lord accepts all of us equally. just as Galatians 3:28 says, "There is neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither slave nor free, there is no male & female, for you are ALL ONE IN CHRIST JESUS." i believe we all get ourselves tripped up in that way. we pride ourselves as better than another. we are all ONE in Christ. i have many times though of myself as lower than other Christians, that other Christians were more knowledgeable than i could ever be. & that is where this verse in Galatians really helps me.

even though i may feel lower on the totem pole than others the Lord loves us all the same. i am treasured in the eyes of the Lord. He loves me for being me. & others love me for being me. so, i'm going to let it shine.

song lyrics are a really great way of expressive art from others. & i absolutely love to hear how others are feeling in their lyrics & how it can really relate to others. Sanctus Real has a song "Forgiven" that i heard the other day on the radio & i have been pondering on the lyrics because i have been having thoughts of who i used to be & how the Lord has freed me from that. but, these lyrics really spoke to me:

"In this life, I know what I've been, but, here in your arms, I know what I am...When I don't measure up to much in this life, oh, I'm a treasure in the arms of Christ."

i am His treasured child.

fighting.

have i ever mentioned that i love thunderstorms? while one is going on outside my bedroom window, i have the lights completely off, my window blinds open [to see the flashes of lightning], my new glasses on [which i absolutely love! they make the beauty of this world so much clearer!], & pondering of a few things i need to get done as the night withers away. blogging was the first thing on my to-do list. :]

today was the first Sunday-funday in a new city. so, what does that mean?! my first stop on my church shopping list! :] i chose to go to new hope which is where my roommate attends. i haven't been in a couple years. the last i remember attending, i wasn't even walking with Jesus. my sister was down for the weekend so she joined us as well. we were running a little behind [don't all women?!] so we got there in time to sing a song for the beginning worship then dove into the message. a new series going on here is called "man up." the message for the man up series is dedicated to the men in the congregation; however, women are needed for constant encouragement, support, & belief that these christian men are capable of learning the true representation of a Christ-like man. even though the women were told to take a back seat because we definitely do not make good men [DEFINITELY!], i also learned something. Christian men fight for a cause bigger than themselves. whatever that cause may be, it could be their wife, kids, home, etc. a man will fight for it. but, he is fighting for this with the strength&will of God within him. the reason fighting was such a huge issue today was because it is said in the Bible that Jesus was a warrior. He fought for that which was a cause willing to die for! His God & the freedom from the bondage of sin for us.

His Love for my freedom.

"Oh, How He Loves Us."

worst critic.

all of us deal with insecurities. but, who really looks at some of the small nit-picky things we look at? i have found that i am my own worst critic. i don't give myself enough credit & take everything to heart. i also know, i'm not the only one that does this. many women, girls, & actually guys too deal with this every day. when are we going to stop & really find out who we are in the eyes of the King? we have to remind ourselves constantly what the Lord finds in us makes us beautiful and we will be that way until we live through the Spirit to know that WE ARE WORTHY. nothing on EARTH will make us feel worthy. no piece of clothing, no fancy job, no significant other, no event [nope, not even your birthday even if it is birthday month..] etc. why are we our own worst critic? because we are seeking approval of others. we want someone to see what's going on with us. selfish? yes. stupid? yes. because we are "seeking approval of man" as Galatians will tell us. we become slaves to those who we are seeking approval from. yes. you are a slave to the person you are trying to impress. you are conforming yourself to what you believe that person wants to see you as. impressive? not at all. we should only want to please our God. question your motive when seeking the Lord? are you doing it because everyone else you know is doing it? or do you truly have the passion for Christ in your heart?

on another note..

i have been reliving some of the shame of my past, and I have been breaking myself down from it. but I am continuously reminded through scripture that i am saved by grace. Romans 8:29 says, "For those God foreknew he also predestined." God knew the mistakes i was going to make. God knew i was going to mess up. because from birth the Lord predestined me to be His child. THANK YOU JESUS FOR SAVING ME! He knew i was going to wander. He knew i was going to make mistakes. we all make mistakes. NO christian is better than another. NONE. because any of us can fall to any sin, because we all sin. every day.

please God today on the basis to only please Him. not to please others. be filled with His love&grace that He will pave the way for you. no need to worry. He is with you, always.

growing up.

when i was in college, growing up & getting out of school had so many cool aspects to me. well, i might have felt like breaking down about 4 times in the past 18 hours & i don't even have a job yet! but, i'm reminded all of the times that i want to break down [& other times as well] that I CAN DO THIS because the Lord is giving me strength. He is definitely testing all of my weak spots, that's for sure! but, He is showing me so much during this time. He is testing my patience [A LOT!] & a few other things i don't really want to go into right now. but, i am being stretched that's for sure. even though i am stretched & broken down sometimes, i've really sought out Acts 14:22 & know that the Lord is watchful of me & protecting me from my insecurities but teaching me so much through these said hardships.

last night my roommate & i had a cool conversation getting to know some neighbors of ours [isn't everyone your neighbor in an apartment?! anyways...] & we started chatting simply because of my puppy. macy made it through her first night in the new place. i think she likes it. just a lot of getting used to. anyways..back to the story--we got to know these new people. they have just moved from conn. & we just chatted away for like 30-45 minutes. & as i was sitting there i really wanted to bring the Lord into conversation & so i threw in a little tid bit here&there. the couple & i have planned to have play dates with our pups [one of theirs lost a leg due to cancer in november, but is getting along just great!] & they are going to give macy some toys which i thought was really sweet since they don't know me at all. they seemed like really sweet, northern people :]. even though they are a bit older than rachel & i, at least we have some people we know we can count on in the complex. i can't wait to meet more people in the area to just really try to create some community & really get some great relationships formed. "Life is a mission field.." is something i saw on twitter from a person i follow, & i'm seeing that so much every day now.

i have been doing a study on the fruit of the Spirit & it's so great. there's so much detail to Beth Moore's studies that just really inspires me. & every day i find myself opening this study up to new depths & finding something that goes for that day. a lot of people try to skew messages to act like EVERY SINGLE THING THEY HEAR IS A SIGN OF SOMETHING THEY NEED IN THEIR LIVES. i used to be one of those people. or if it's something we want to happen in our lives, we want to say the Lord is saying we need to do certain things to make that certain thing happen in our life. no. we are desperately seeking worldly things by doing that. our mind plays dirty tricks on us because we have "powerful, masquerading, misery-makers living inside us." & that is ourselves. we are so focused on the SELFISH desires of our heart that we are not focused on what the Lord wants for us. i am reminded of this like every 5 minutes. i can't even summarize the amazingness i am learning from this study. it is so relevant. one of my friends is actually going to join me in this study & i'm ecstatic about it!

so, i leave you with this: "Through the power of the Holy Spirit, I can .. Do things I couldn't, Feel things I didn't, & know things I wouldn't."

p to the s.

also, while i was at the wedding in arkansas they played this song. i just thought it was a great dancing song & i had never heard it! so, i wanted to share it with everyone so you could maybe do a little jig before you go to work one day, or every day :] the chorus is my fave part! & when i actually looked up the video it was rather strange, but funny! [especially the ninja turtle shell the dude has!!]

[click link below to go to the song!]

enjoyyyy

new beginnings.

hola readers. as i sit on my new couch at my new apartment [which is only temporary until i move into my REAL new apartment at the end of july, i know, way confusing] i am so excited to blog. i am having a BLAST decorating for my room, however, i need money before i can do anything else. hah! so, i will bask in the awesomeness of the little trinkets i have found here&there until i can have a final product [which i will then probably keep building upon] & the sweet zebra print shower curtain i got! :] ahhh! it's a fave. my dog is not with me right now :( but, she will be soon! really excited about that. even though i should be unpacking some things because my mother is coming tomorrow, blogging & spending some time with the Lord is way more important & so THAT is what i am going to do!

so, all that to say, i'm really sorry that i haven't posted lately. it's not because i didn't want to. it's simply because i was not really around a computer with time to blog. i just recently went to my best friends wedding out in arkansas. it was so simple & quaint, but BLAZING HOT. but, she was happy & that's all that matters! driving was great. even though it took 28 hours round trip it was still completely worth it. there is so much natural beauty that we take for granted & it was a great time to just think. sometimes that gets me in trouble though! & the past 2 weddings i have been to have been great. it's so great to see how the Lord molds relationships & how stories of relationships can be so unique & lovely.

however, i think i have decided what studies i will be doing. i am going to do both the 1 John study & the Fruit of the Spirit study. the Lord has been so evident in my life these past few months in many different ways that maybe i didn't see when i was actually living those days out. the Lord has also been gracious in that He accepts me even though i may have struggled to see that then & even though i have many flaws [which i'm completely okay with that because the Lord is showing me that i'm beautiful because of His LOVE for me]. i know i will never be perfect, however, i will strive to be like Jesus every day & love others as Jesus loves us. i think that is why i am so excited about all of these new beginnings. the fact that our life constantly changes & we have to be ready to roll with the punches every day, but the Lord is by our side every step of the way. i can't wait to start a job [which the job search is going well, should have one by next week!] & really pour God's love out into the lives of my co-workers & customers.

so, here i go. about to do the intro to my study. i'm ready to completely live beyond myself & live fully for Christ. & i know this study is gonna rockkkk. so, thanks Jesus for making all these things possible in my life. i'm ready for you to continue to take the reigns of my life, & only you know where i'll end up here.

for i know, i'm coming home soon.

blurb.

a lot has been on the mind lately. i believe the Lord is really trying to teach me what it means to trust in Him & not have things in my own hands. even though i have been working on this, you can never be perfect at something, ever. therefore, i am continuously learning every day.

i love blogging. it's so great. now that i have time to really dive in to this blog, i am always looking to see what i can add here. i may begin to add some things that become of an interest to me as well as my Bible based posts. i'm really praying about what the Lord wants me to study this summer. i'm deciding between a 1 John study i began last summer when i was depressed & a Beth Moore study [that i may end up doing with my mom&sis, which would be FAB] on the Fruits of the Spirit. who knows. really trying to see what the Lord wants me to focus on right now.

i'm getting ready to go on a trip to arkansas [driving..14 hours there & back] for my friends wedding [2nd wedding of the 7 i have planned this year, so far that is]! it's a lot of time to spend with the Lord [& play words with friends! :)] & just look at the beauty around me as i drive [or ride, because my mother is going with me as well] through the states. so, i'm really excited about this trip [not to mention i get to see fr-amily (what i call friends that are like family) & friends that i met through visits over the years]! however, i do have tons of things to do such as pack, clean the car, make sure macy has all the things she needs before i leave, [she won't be going with us :(] & many other things.

so, right now i'm gonna sca-dattle, but i want to leave you with some scripture i have been reading. in earlier posts, you will see i was challenged to read Malachi by the pastor of the journey church. in reading Malachi, i came across the following scripture in chapter 4 verse 2, "But for you who revere my name, the sun of righteousness will rise with healing in its rays." [revere means to have high respect or admiration] This scripture just exemplifies how our Father is a Powerful Healer. He heals our wounds & insecurities. He gives us hope.

the journey.

i have been really excited about attending a church in my hometown community that has really just revolutionized this county. they have been growing so rapidly lately because their vision is "to see people far from God, filled with Life in Christ." the pastor, Matt "Shapiro" Hudson, was called into ministry & later called to come back to his hometown to reach the 22,000 in our community who are lost. i have known Matt for many years through a friend who moved away years ago then to re-meet him later on in life where i discovered his church. today was the first day attending. the presence of the Lord in this place was amazing. Matt is a true gift to my hometown & gave me a new perspective on those who are lost, even those in my hometown i may know:

NEVER think anyone far from God can not be united with Christ.

the message today was called "upgrade." & i received such a move from God in this message. it was just amazing. it was talking about investing in God's kingdom: are we investing in our own kingdom or are we investing in God's kingdom? Matthew 6:33 tells us, "But seek first His kingdom & His righteousness, & all these things will be given to you as well." Are we going to give the Lord what's left or are we going to give God our best? we should ALWAYS bring God our best. The Lord promises us he will provide for us in seeking His kingdom. we shouldn't just want the benefits of what he will provide for us. we should want to seek His kingdom. we should bask in the goodness of the Lord!

investing in the kingdom of God can be scary. it can be going on a summer project like i did last year. i was so scared to raise the money to get me there. i was so scared of what it would be like. but, it was a life-changing experience for me. investing could be supporting someone who is called to ministry. investing could be investing in a church to reach those who are lost. investing could mean time spent on volunteering for the needy. investing could mean sharing the Gospel with those who are lost on spring break. investing can mean many different things. i've done some of these things & some i am about to embark on. while the beginning is always scary, it's all about stepping out on faith & trusting the Lord. so, will you take your cues from culture & society or will you take your cues from CHRIST?

i was in tears at so many different parts of this message. we were challenged to read Malachi this week because we referenced to it some in the message. this week i will be reading & pondering on the book of Malachi. join me if you'd like! :]

His love.

since leaving the college world & heading into the real world, i have learned so much [as we can see by my previous post that everything in life changes]. however, i'm clinging to the hope the Lord gives me. i have sought Him every single day because i know i can not do this alone [this meaning ANYTHING!] he is my strength & gives me strength to do everything in life.

something that has really been on my heart is to truly be authentic with people & to really show the Love of Christ for what it really is; not just by saying things to them, but showing them the Love of Christ. As 1 John 3:18 says, "Dear children, let us not love with words or speech but with actions and in truth." It makes me think back to when I didn't have a personal relationship with the Lord & i was seriously LOST. so LOST. wowzerrrrsss. i didn't know what love really was until i met the Lord & knew who He was & what He really wanted for me. His love is poured over me, all the time, every day. it's like when you are standing under a waterfall & the water is God's love [if you can't tell, i'm a very visual person :)] when standing under a waterfall, it's so refreshing--& cold!--while being showered. that's exactly how refreshing God's love is for us. it's so refreshing & wonderful to know someone loves us UNCONDITIONALLY & it is UNFAILING. God's love never ceases. He will always love me for being me.

last night, i ate sushi [yumm, haven't had it in like 6 months!] with a friend & while talking about Jesus with her, I was taken aback for the love He has poured into my life. it's not just by loving me in times of trial or loving me when i'm on top of the world, but it's the people He has put into my life, it's the amazing world He has created around me, it's the abounding grace He gives me, it's dying & giving me eternal life in heaven with the Father, & it's so many more things He has shown me that shows me His love for me. it's by HIS ACTIONS that we are loved, not just by his speech, just as the Bible tells us. we should live & try to be like Christ, but knowing we will fail but constantly showing the Love of Christ. because just as we have discovered, His love is so much more than saying He loves me for being me. it's what He has done for me.

I fall more in love with the Lord every day because of the small things in life He shows me that exemplify His love for me.

changes.

changes, changes. may 13th seems so long ago, but yet it's really only been 13 days since my life has taken a complete 180. i am no longer an undergraduate student, moved back home for a little bit, a mommy to a sweet, little 4 month old puppy [we have our first training class tonight! so excited! having a puppy is really like having a child, its hard work at times & cost you money, but it's completely worth it!!], unemployed [but diligently searching!], signed a lease to move to a new city, single, & changed my hairstyle & put some blond in for the summer. even though some of these may seem like some really minor changes & some of them are really huge, it's definitely been different.

however, what i have learned from this whole experience is to rely on the LORD, COMPLETELY for all of my plans to come together. the Lord is shaping my life every single day & it's crazy to see all of these things just come together right before my eyes. the Lord has really pushed me the past few days to push myself to find my niche & to know that i am worth SO MUCH to Him & that i have great things i will do in life. even though i may not get the job i want when i first make it out in the workforce, i know that everything is happening for a reason. i am meeting new people so i can show them the unfailing love the Lord gives us. & I AM SO EXCITED ABOUT THAT!! i'm almost speechless [even though i'm ramblingggg...].

i have really clung to some scripture during these times of change. even though change can seem scary, we have to go on with life. take every hardship & every struggle & not let the devil get the best of us. Philippians 4:6&7 say: "Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer & supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. & the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts & your minds in Christ Jesus." also, Lamentations 3:24 says, "'The Lord is my portion,' says my soul, 'therefore I will hope in Him.'" i have learned to let the Lord overtake my feeling to control things & to let the Lord handle it. it's amazing how freeing it is too! :]

the excitement i have of the life ahead of me cannot really be expressed in words. all of this change has made me excited to see what the Lord has in store for me. i'm excited to read, bake&cook, new Bible studies, studying the Word on my own, new friends, new experiences, new job, etc. there are so many things to be grateful for during this time in my life. my hope is in the Lord who will provide for me & keep me strong in times i may feel weak.

complaining vs. thanking

recently it seems all i can talk about is how i don't want to be in school anymore & how much i want to be done with all of my work. however, i'm really looking at the big picture here to see that the Lord has provided me with a family who will pay for my schooling, a servant's heart to lead, & the opportunity to attend college. some people would kill for the opportunity i have in front of me. i have 3 possible opportunities in front of me for post-graduation & all i am doing is worrying & complaining every single second.

my worst day of the week is wednesday. it's long & boring. i don't look forward to it. once wednesday is gone, i feel like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders. last night i was reading Ephesians 1 about thanksgiving & prayer. i went through today as a normal day. i was complaining a lot because i wanted to be done with school...& then....it hit me. i thought of just how lucky i am to be here. how lucky i am to be on this earth & to have the opportunity of gaining an education to have a job to someday help support a family.

so, my challenge for all of us is to be thankful. when we are complaining about how the world is completely against us, God is completely FOR US! thank the Lord today for making you His creation. don't complain. thank HIM!

balancing grace & truth.

this past weekend, a huge incident happened to me. instead of having grace for this person i immediately began pushing them away because i was so focused on the right & wrong way to handle the situation. however, after some great Godly counsel, i began to view the situation from a different perspective. sometimes if we step away from a situation and look at it with different eyes we can really do ourselves some good. i have realized that i really need to be aware that i need to have a balance of grace & truth in any situation i am facing. sometimes in the heat of the moment it's really hard to see the other side because we just want to think we are right ALL THE TIME. which we aren't always right, but that doesn't mean we are always wrong either. i challenge you today [& from now on] to look at situations from another perspective other than your own. we all think differently and people don't always have to agree with what we say. so, have grace on those who think different from you. however, also make sure you are putting truth into your perspective as well. to put truth into our perspective we must seek the Lord to have the truth ingrained in us. spending time with the Lord every day is vital. take 30 minutes out of your day today to be still before him & spend time sitting next to him & talking with him.

sounds like a great plan to me! :]

Trust in the Lord.

hello followers! & hello to those who read my blog that i don't know about. i know there are some of you out there. ;) so, lately i have been feeling distant from the Lord. however, i am praying to Him every day for me to realize the times i could spend with him. even though i feel completely consumed with schoolwork, applying for jobs, and making sure i have a plan after graduation, i have not sat down once to THANK HIM for opening & closing doors that are paving a way for my future. He is to be praised for everything that is going on throughout my life. He is to be praised for the job i get when i graduate. He is to be praised EVERY SINGLE DAY. i am trusting in Him for my future.

today i freakedddd outttt because i had an interview. it was my first interview....ever. so, afterwards i felt all bummed because i felt like i bombed it even though he asked for more references. but, i doubted myself because i was only relying on myself to get me through that interview. i prayed before the interview, but i felt as though i was trying to do it on my own. then, this afternoon another interview opportunity opened up for me at another company i completely forgot i sent my resume to! GOD IS GOOD.

the Lord is sovereign, and i need to ask for HIS help EVERY SINGLE DAY. i should wake up and praise Him & i should go to sleep praising Him. satan wants me to feel distant from God. no. satan will not rise up over me. i will praise Him for HIS FAITHFULNESS. because "He is faithful in all He does." (Psalm 33:4, NIV)

oh, James..again!

i have been going through a tough time with the Lord lately. okay, maybe not actually with the Lord, but i feel very distant from Him. & i was going through my followers latest twitter posts & REVRUN (that's what i call him) PICKS ME UP ALL THE FREAKING TIME. he's great. follow him, for reals. & the scripture was out of James, who knew ;)

In James 4:8 it says, "Come near to God and he will come near to you." (NIV) i spent a while wednesday night just praying & wanting to feel the Lord around me. for me, it's not easy to be patient. but, it's what the Lord wants from us. He wants us to wait on him to show us how much we need Him. my prayer is that i lean on Him to give me strength to get through this time, and i want to be patient to see what He wants me to learn from this.

taming of the tongue.

the Lord has taught me many things over the course of this past month. about myself. about others. about life. but, He has also taught me that James is a very wise man. James in the Bible that is. the taming of the tongue seems to be one of the hardest things for all of us to do. we gossip, argue, and lie with our words everywhere we turn. we are all guilty of not taming the tongue. i guess i just became aware of how much i did not tame my tongue this past month. i can think of instances time after time. however, God's grace for that is sufficient. i am healed from that.

now that i am healed, i must ponder on ways to understand the meaning of why not to do that. it is not just to make a law to be the bigger person. it is for me to realize the reasoning why it is wrong and just how hurtful they can be. one of my good friends says how she "word vomits" all the time. words come flying her mouth and it is too late to catch them. how many times do you "word vomit?" maybe vomit is not the best way to really say that..ha :) how many times do we not tame our tongue? how many times do you gossip in a day? how many times do you say something you did not mean to say? how many times do we break people down with our words..?

we should be mindful of our words and what they actually mean to others. different people will perceive things differently than others. i am a very blunt person when i get to know you. however, i can not just expect people to be okay with it. i do not like to sugar coat things if i am trying to say something else..but, i do need to be mindful of others feelings and what it might actually look like if i was the other. maybe this is just a jumbled up mess. but, it is food for thought. read James 3 on taming the tongue & look at it from different points of view.

slackerrrrr.

can you say slacker? i have definitely NOT lived up to my goal of doing a Psalm a day. i have definitely had time with the Lord and some of it has been in Psalms. but, not for this blog. i believe what i'm going to have to do is update on what the deal is, what is going on in my life, & what the Lord has taught me for that day. sound like a plan? well, i sure hope so.

Psalm 13

long time, no talk. there is no justification why i have pushed back my blog postings. i'm not doing a very good job keeping this goal up :/ anyways, i had some GREAT time reading this morning and pondering on it with Jesus. a few things have gone on in my life lately where i'm learning VITAL lessons for me to grow as a Christian, and i'm proud that the Lord is teaching me through the temptations that the devil is putting before me those things. even though that is very generalized, i think we can all agree that we've been there. every single day we're there. some are just deeper than others. & those deeeeeeep ones have surfaced this week. this weekend i think the Lord is going to reveal a lot to me as well. i'm really excited to see where this weekend leads me.

school has gotten out of controL. goodness gracious. i have more homework now than i have EVER had. yes, the last semester of my senior year i am working my boot-tay off. & some of my professors i could kick in the teeth. they are just not good at teaching. whew. i hope anybody that is thinking about going into teaching can really do better than any of these cats.

Psalm 13

Wow. I believe I do this a lot. I just wait for God to answer my prayer in like 2 seconds. I have to wait on God's timing for the right time for what it is my heart is praying for. The biggest thing I can relate to right now is this. Because prayer is so off kilter for me. I'm not ingrained in prayer like I should be. I'm thinking the Lord is just going to give me strength to do it on my own when really I'm only believing in myself because I'm not communicating that with God AT ALL. For example, my future is a HUGE thing on my prayer list & it's like I'm waiting for the Lord to just shine down through the clouds and just tell me all there is I need to know. NO. I can't expect everything to be handed to me on a silver platter. The Lord WANTS me to communicate with him & he WANTS me to reach out to him. So, why aren't we doing it? Are we so obsessed with our own lives that we don't reach out to him? Actually, there could be a pa-jillion reasons why we aren't communicating with the Lord. & we need to stop thinking that we can do it alone. Because we can't. & no matter how many times I have to tell myself that & no matter how many times my friends have to tell me, I still have to be reminded of that.

Psalm 12

feeling good after a great workout. are you supposed to work out at night though? who knows. why does it matter anyways? at least i'm doing it. i quit my job & i think it's for the best. i need to make sure i do well in school. i'm still praying about my future & where i'm going after i graduate. i'd love to move off somewhere, but i'd like to stay in the south. maybe like tennessee, georgia, or maybe i'll go across the country to like colorado or something :] maybe this is my chance to veer off to montana & spend some time in a log cabin with Jesus for a while! gosh, that sounds so great. .....while the snow is falling down & drinking coffee..best thing EVER. okay, exaggeration. but, that would be cool. one day i'm actually going to go to montana & i probably won't even like it. hah.

so, i walked into one of my classes the other day & felt completely unprepared. it's a grad school class; therefore, grad students are mostly in there. i was the only undergrad until someone i knew walked in the door. i felt better after that. i had no idea what to expect from this class. i believe it's going to be a good experience. it's about leadership & i love learning about that. leadership is always evolving and changing. i think the greatest thing ever is that at the beginning of the class we were talking about servant style leadership. servant style leadership is that which is giving to others before yourself; being very self-giving. no arrogance & no pride are in servant style leadership. & the professor asked, "who is the first person to exemplify servant style leadership over 2000 years ago?" easy.

Jesus.

He gave himself for us. He gave His blood for our selfish, prideful hearts.

Psalm 12

Even in this Psalm it talks about how there are no more godly men. How people are obsessed with themselves and only think they matter in the world. Men who are boastful & say things just to get attention. Men who are gossipers, backstabbing those they love in the back. Even though there are believers some can be lead astray. Well, we all can. & we all do get led astray. Sometimes the devil can overtake us & make us believe that we are better than another or that we have it all together & pride will shine right through us; then, we just look foolish. Seek out those believers. Seek out support. Talk about what is going on & seek that godly advice. Better yet, you may need to take it & apply it to your life.

The verse I love in this Psalm is verse 6, "And the words of the Lord are flawless, like silver refined in a furnace of clay, purified seven times." (NIV) In a world full of deceit, being sincere & truthful can be very rare. The words of the Lord are pure. He will never lie to us. So when He is speaking to us we should listen carefully. Don't think of when you want to hear Him, but listen for Him at all times. Because as Proverbs 11:19 says, "The truly righteous man attains life, but he who pursues evil goes to his death." (NIV)

Psalm 11

so, checked one thing off my january goals: bought a journal & i'm writing in it after i write this lovely blog post. saaawweeetttt! it will probably consist of some of the same things i discussed earlier today in my previous post. some of my other goals--not lookin' so hot. like keeping living space clean. somehow i can manage to reek havoc on a room in like 2.5 seconds after coming home from somewhere. & don't ask me how it happens. it just does. i guess my room exemplifies the way my mind thinks. chaos! you can see multiple projects that are not completed because my mind is everywhere. oh well, i guess that makes me who i am. THANK YOU JESUS for not making me boring! :]

Psalm 11

In this Psalm, I realize that the Lord doesn't just test the righteous, but he also tests the evil. The difference is this: those who are evil do not learn & grow from the trials the Lord puts in their ways; however, the righteous grow throughout the process of the Lord putting them through these tribulations. Like I was saying in my last blog post..I have learned a lot from the trials the Lord has put me through. We can choose whether to be evil or righteous. Do you want to grow from your experiences or stay stuck in the same position? Are we just going to give up..throw the towel in & give up on something & join those who are evil?

I hate the feeling of being stuck. It's such a lonely place especially if you are involved in a community of believers. Change is happening all the time in a community of believers because we are all growing throughout our life struggles and situations. I love learning new things & I love learning from friends. I love the feeling of being able to sit & talk about a certain situation to discuss & debate what actually is the right thing to do. Maybe the "right thing to do" isn't the best way to say that. Hmmm...theeee...Christian way of going about things. Like earlier [again; yes i know you're probably getting tired of hearing that] I want to be that strong woman of God. I want to be a woman that fears God. I want that. I desire to be that woman.

journal, here i come :]

sweetly broken, wholly surrendered

wowzerrrrs. i'm so pumped about this blog post. lots of great things going through the brain. our message at church today was great. really spoke to my heart. worship was amazing; new song called abandon really sunk deep into multiple areas of my life. connection group time afterwards where i'm learning with a group of college students about biblical relationships. it was great. i'm really excited about it. & some people think i'm going because my ex-boyfriend is in there. not the case. glad we can both be ingrained in this type of great study tho. proud of us for taking that step [separately] for our own personal lives. however, the reason i am in this study is because when i was a non-believer [which was most of my life] i have always had the wrong concept of what a relationship is, what it's built upon, what's important, etc. i have learned things throughout my life that are good for relationships, but i have also had the wrong concept of how a relationship should actually be based upon the Bible. once becoming a believer, i knew you should seek one who has a relationship with the Lord, but i didn't change my way of thinking or the way i acted in my relationship. well, i take that back. i did some. maybe like 25%. but, 75% of me was not doing that of what a woman should do such as being submissive, obedient to authority, a fearful woman of God, etc. sometimes i may have been submissive, but sometimes not. sometimes i would be obedient to authority, but sometimes not... etc. & i know i am not perfect & i won't do it all the time. but, sometimes i just didn't want to because i wanted what I WANTED. i didn't want to listen to all that other mess. i can tell there are great things that are going to come out of this study because it makes you build your character into being that strong, respectful woman i've always wanted to be.

i had lunch with a great friend, disciple, sister today. she's truly great. completely uplifting & has really helped me see how valuable i am through Christ. & it's just like it hit me today [also because of the message today] how the things around me shouldn't keep me down. things that have happened up to this point have been telling me over & over & over & over &.. [okay, you get the point] that i am found beautiful & wonderful & appreciated through Christ. today it was just actually verbalized to me in the message at church that i am valuable because of Christ. & i've been saying it to you! on this blog! but, i've never felt it. i haven't truly grasped it. & i probably will still fall sometimes & have those negative feelings. but, then turning to God should only uplift me to the TRUTH.

throughout this past summer i went through a deep stage of depression. the Lord never left my side. he put strong, Christian people by my side when i needed them most when i needed that tangible person to save me from complete & utter lies. i cried the most i think i ever have in that period of time, but i think i've cried almost just as much because i'm so grateful for my SAVIOR for never leaving me from that place. he taught me so much in that place. & he is still building upon that, just as you see in the past 2 paragraphs where i'm spilling my heart out to you. i believe you can learn a lot from trials & tribulations in your life. i know i have learned a ton through the depression process & things that i am still discovering every day about my identity through Christ. i'm getting my personality back & i feel that; but, the devil is trying to completely take that away from me by bringing me down with negativity. & i'm not havin' that! can't. because i know the Lord is reaching out to me.

more to come today on Psalms.

peace geese :]

Psalm 10

i'm really having a hard time being patient with some people right now. Lord, give me the strength to show others You in & through me. help me fend off the negative thoughts i am having & turn them into thoughts that will only glorify You.

Psalm 10

A huge verse is verse 4, "In his pride the wicked does not seek him; in all his thoughts there is no room for God." We were just talking about pride recently [when I got side-tracked, oopsies] and it leads great into this! Okay, so, pride. This is saying that throughout his mind there is no room for God because he thinks of himself & how great he thinks he is on his own. He is NOTHING without God. But, he is fooling himself thinking he's hot stuff. We are nothing without the Lord. If it wasn't for Him we wouldn't be here. So, who should be taking up our minds..? Ourselves? No. When God is in us there is no room for pride because he shows us our true colors. How we are prideful, jealous, angry, lustful, inpatient, etc. God saves us from all of those things; all because of you, Father, I am saved.

How awesome is HE for creating everything around us? How awesome is HE for dying for us & saving us from death? How awesome is HE for loving us unconditionally..?

HE BLOWS ME AWAY AT HOW AWESOME HE IS!!!

Throughout this Psalm, it reminds us how God is with us wherever we go. He does not leave us even if we think he has because we're going through trials & tribulations. & I know He is waiting for me in Eternity. :]

Psalm 9

aldsnfmalewhisdlk. so, we still haven't started school because of the snow. i've had too much time to think & not get my thoughts out. i really should invest in a journal. if barnes & noble had just been open today..dern it. oh well. part of my problem is because i am still not taking enough time out to pray. i haven't HAD to get anything done the past few days. so, what am i freaking doing..?!? who knows. thinking. over-analyzing EVERYTHING. sometimes i don't like how the female mind is like spaghetti. i read this Psalm this morning, and it really got the wheels in my mind turning. & then the devil got in there & screwed with my mind & made me angry & upset. but, when it comes down to it, i'm not relying on the Lord enough and i'm letting the devil mess with me WAY TOO MUCH.

Psalm 9

In every Psalm, appreciation is given to the Lord. & throughout every Psalm there are characteristics that we can relate with where we can thank the Lord. Some Psalms may not be the exact situation we are going through, but somewhere throughout the Psalm we can relate to our lives. "I will praise you, O Lord, with all my heart," says verse 1 of Psalm 9, "I will tell of all your wonders." (NIV)

Another aspect of this Psalm that stood out to me was in verse 4 where it's talking about "judging righteously" and I begin to think and ponder on that. This is where I started my thinking earlier and then the devil took my thoughts in another direction & I let him turn my whole day around. NG. not good. Anyways, the Lord justifies us before others & throughout our life we may have to face much discrimination. Examples include being falsely accused of something, being misunderstood, not being truly appreciated by people, our service may not be granted a reward, etc.

When I face discrimination or injustice I get really down on myself & try to think of what is wrong with me & why did it not go the right way. I think, why did a good outcome NOT come out of this? But, truly in the end, the Lord is who is to be praised. It's completely up to the Lord's timing to when we are rewarded. & what do we learn from this? TRUST. If we do not trust in the Lord we only wallow in our own self-pity & worry about how others treat us.

However, we should not only follow the Lord for our own reward. The LORD is who is to be praised. Think of the times you call out to God. What is your main motive in calling out to Him? Are you doing it for your own gain, or do you want to glorify the Lord? I am completely convicted of this sometimes. It's not about ME. AT ALL. Pride is a destructing thing. A completely sinful thought and action. Instead of being self-centered we should be self-giving. Serving God with everything we do.

Well, maybe I got a tad side-tracked there. Needless to say Psalm 9 has hit home.